Best: My Glasses…

I can’t be seen without my glasses!

Seymour tries to fight off Team Rocket and fails miserably. Still, it was more than our intrepid heroes did.

If Seymour was a female scientist, this would be the part of the episode where you realise she’d be beautiful without the glasses and if she let her hair down. Then she’d win the heart of the high school quarterback and the mean cheerleader would fall into the cake or something. Then Ash would get a gym badge for no reason.

Best: “We’ll Show Them That Size Doesn’t Matter!”

Chances of Jessie getting to say that line today in response to an adolescent’s giant, rock-hard snake thing? Less than zero.

Worst: Remedial Onix

It’s ok, Onix. Get back in the Poké Ball. Maybe you’ll do better next time.

Koffing knocking Onix out with one hit has to be one of the more surreal things I’ve seen during this show and I’ve watched the episode where James gets a boob job.

Worst: Metronome Monotony

I’m probably just forgetting all the times it didn’t happen but every time someone uses Metronome in the cartoon, explosions always seem to happen. I guess I’m retroactively hating on this one in anticipation of all the times Togepi will use it in the future as a bit of a deus ex machina.

I wanted the Clefairy to all use Metronome and then do a Splash attack en masse or something. Instead we get the standard huge explosion and Team Rocket is blasting off again, twinkle.

Worst: Aesop’s Clefable

I find Clefairy cute but Clefable are horrifying, gangly creatures. I think perhaps the ratio of height to width is too biased towards the former for the design to remain cute, I don’t know. I just find them off putting, the same as I do with Wigglytuff. I’m guessing I’m in the minority on this one.

  1. Delsaber says:

    A few stray observations…

    You know too much about rhymes.

    I never noticed this before, but Team Rocket is totally the Japanese analogue to Cobra Commander. Right? It feels like they’re cribbing from the same playbook.

    For some reason I always thought Brock was older, but I guess 15 still makes him the elder statesman on this show.

    We never did find out for sure if Evil Arturo made that slide instead of Real Arturo, did we?

    Seymour: the true founder of Heaven’s Gate.

    I had an “adolescent giant, rock-hard snake thing” for Jesse when I was a kid. That might be why I love thigh-highs so much. Pokémon was truly a formative experience.

    • David says:

      I think it’s just hard to mature “bubblegum cute” without losing something that made the original form so popular.

  2. Rando says:

    after misty’s ‘not so fast, meowth’, i’d love staryu to spend 30 seconds rising to the surface, doing flips and posing and shit, only to find misty and seymour in a bloody pile with meowth smugly nibbling on a severed ear. but maybe that’s just me.

    and you could probably end the majority of these recaps with ‘and then ash gets a gym badge for no reason’.

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